If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood

Badass mosquito of bloodsucking death
If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood

Look at him, confident his race will prevail against the humans.
Hideous sadistic insect.
I fucking hate mosquitoes.
They ruin everything.

Forced blood donation takers gotta ruin all bonfires and outdoor social gatherings in the world from the east to the west.
North and south folk don’t know how lucky they really are.
May all mosquitoes get ruled by the fire lightning of God or change their diet to FLIES ONLY.
That would solve the fly problem too.
Kind of like an added bonus.

Picking things up with your feet

Embrace your inner monkey.
Dirty crumpled socks, dropped Doritos, rogue pen caps: We see you there. Yes, we see you right in the crosshairs of our toes and we’re about to scoop you up with a good old fashioned foot scrunch.
Bending over is overrated.
Picking things up with your feet is AWESOME!

Picking up things with your feet
Picking up things with your feet

Bending over is overrated.
Picking things up with your feet is AWESOME!

Finally peeing after holding it forever

Finally peeing after holding it forever
Finally peeing after holding it forever

It didn’t used to be this way.
For hundreds of thousands of years our species peed freely, whenever, wherever. Yes, whether we were roaming jungles, crossing ice bridges, or having picnics in plains, it wasn’t always pretty but when nature called, we answered.
Things are different now.
Most of the time our bladders are all locked up.
Yes, with our stadium seating, boardroom meetings, kid’s soccer games, and smooth highway lanes, the one thing we didn’t build in was an easy way to clear some leaves and squat in the corner. Honestly, how many times have you been looking for parking and circling the lot, waiting for a movie to wrap up the plot, or just fumbling with keys so you can race to the pot?
Listen, I’ve been there too. Yes, it’s always a tight squeeze, with bouncing knees, and gritted teeth, but we accept this tradeoff in exchange for living in our bright and modern World of Pants. And a world where everybody wears pants is great, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that it cramps our style sometimes.
That’s why finally peeing after holding it forever feels so great. It’s like millions of years of animalistic need bursting through the chains and restraints of modern social norms. It’s the bathroom equivalent of a primal scream and it feels oh so incredibly

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